“Here’s the thing,” I said to Rachel. “You think that I think I’m better than you.”
She eyed me incredulously. “But that’s not why you hate me. Here’s why you hate me.” I paused for dramatic tension. “You think that I’m better than you.”
It took her a second to process the information and then WHACK! She caught me hard on the jaw.
I wasn’t expecting to get hit. Well, maybe just a slap if I’d really got to her, but the surprise of the fist to the chin brought a tear to my eye.
Then she got on top of me and tried to wrestle me to the floor. We were in a bar called Shandy’s. The lights were fluorescent and the drinks were mostly cocktails. The music was chillout and dub, while the mood was generally blissed out.
And there we were, a couple of hyenas, cackling away at each other and scratching at each others skin, trying to bruise and gain advantage.
I had hold of her hands, so she couldn’t do any real damage, but she managed to shift her knee across the top of my thigh and wedge it down close to my groin. She was getting pretty near to real damage now.
As she dug her fingers in to scar my wrists, her knee finally reached its target and I jerked forward. My forehead crashed into her nose and she fell backwards towards the glass table.
I managed to grab her body back from the edge and we both slid sideways, off the bench seat and onto the carpet, the main thoroughfare between the bar and each of the booths filled with patrons.
I placed her carefully down and waited for her to open her eyes. She scrunched her nose like a child or a mouse and then smiled, showing me her straightened teeth.
I smiled too and we kissed and rolled about there on the rich blue carpet for what seemed like hours.
36 comments:
Thanks for your comments today, everybody. It's been great to get so much feedback.
There's a long way to go but I think I've got enough tales in me to last the year!
Hope to see many of you on these pages again soon.
: )
I like your stories. Can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Nice stories!
congratulations for being on blogs of note
umm hmmm
I only read your first post but I am hooked. I shall be back!
Unique story!
Suggestion:
The 2nd paragraph begins as though the girl is going to speak. Maybe you can precede the quote with something quick and clear, like, "I said."
it was unique...
Hey I like what you have been writing, pretty into writing myself. Hope to have some stuff up eventually.
Peace
Keep it up!
Somehow that was both hilarious and disgusting to me. (The disgusting aspect came from the rolling on the carpet in a public place, haha.)
I love your writing! I'm in the same boat as darci; instantly hooked. I'll try to be back everyday.
That was so awesome!! I loved it, and will definately be coming back...
gg xx
Cool, I think you've managed to make a regular out of me, your writing is good and interesting. Good luck with doing it for the whole year, i hope you manage it, maybe even longer.
Nice read. Interesting story, somehow pushing away from the stereotype stories. Keep up the good work!
just came across your blog by accident but i find it cool. like the stories. i'll keep checking and hope to read some more.
I came across ur blog.. and i am glad i read it.. its real awesome....
great blog.
c
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:) hi!!!
Shouldn't this be called The Weekly Tale and not The Daily Tale?
Just wondering.
A really feel good story.
I remember a movie that came out last year where the couple had almost a fist fight and then angry sex afterwards on the stairs.
That is what this reminded me of. hahaha
Great stuff.
hi dialy tale. I like your blog. I will add it to my blog links list and i hope you can do the same. its in layout add page element and add links:
Here is my link www.thebusinessofmybusiness.blogspot.com
thanks!!
please reply back!! thanks!
awesome blog!!! I love your writing!! I'll be coming back, definitely!
are you part of the revolution?
This and the previous story have no hooks for me, too far from my interior life and interests.
Congratulations on your project for a daily story. You are inspiring others. Writers write!
Loved it!
really nice man keep writing
Great idea, interesting concept. And congrats on making it to blogs of note, impressive. Check out siamese-mylitstyle.blogspot.com
I really enjoy how much you can say in very few words :))
I agree with the comment regarding the 2nd paragraph. I also think you should consider using a more 'active voice.' "The lights were flourescent and the drinks were cocktails?" You have a knack for telling short short (actually micro is a better word) stories, though, for sure.
I have one question, how do you feel about publishing things each day?
I know when I write, I normally have a fairly rigid and probably over careful approach to creative fiction. I'm always interested in the thought process people have behind publishing stories each day, its quite a feat. I'm impressesed.
Are you working on any longer pieces?
When writing on my blog the stories are driven by my mood. I have unpublished work, as a matter of fact two unpublished books that I am considering the pod route.
One of the most unique pieces I've ever read. I must admit, I expected it to end negatively, and was suprised to see it end on such a light note. Well done.
hello:), im from sweden and
I just came across your blog and I only red this story, and I liked it!
Keep up the good work!!
This story made me sad!! *sniffs*
Now, I'm gonna cut my wrists, thank you!
I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to I'll do what I got to, the truth
Is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
Dying
Is an art, like everything else,
I do it exceptionally well.
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